July 24th, 2009 01:02pm
TETRO is for Coppola fans, UGLY TRUTH is just ugly
by Cinema.Toast
Gil Mansergh’s Cinema Toast
New Releases 7/24/09
The Ugly Truth (R)
Starring: Gerard Butler, Katherine Heigl, Cheryl Hines, Bonnie Somerville
Director: Robert Luketic
I actually knew someone in college who kept a list of conversation topics in his wallet and the obsessive female lead in this so-called romantic comedy does the same thing. She also believes “real men” are into classical music and cats—even though she’s never met such a guy. So she asks a hunky male friend for advice about what men really want: “More sex,” “girls wrestling in Jello,” and “battery-operated vibrating panties” are several of his original ideas. I think you get the point.
1 piece of half the title is correct toast
G-Force (PG)
Voices of: Nicolas Cage, Steve Buscemi, Will Arnett, Penélope Cruz
Jerry Bruckheimer’s first 3-D animated movie inexplicably stars guinea pigs as super smart secret agents covertly working for the good old USA. Even though it’s a Disney film, apparently even using Nicolas Cage’s voice means that the studio is contracted to avoid showing it to critics.
Not available for preview
Orphan (R)
Starring: Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard, Isabelle Fuhrman, CCH Pounder
Director: Jaume Collet-Sera
Devestated by the loss of their unborn child, a young couple adopts a nine-year-old Russian orphan whose first American family all died in a fire. One part “Demon Seed,” “one part “The Omen,” and, most important, one part “The Murderer,” (a Hong Kong film in current release that has exactly the same plot twist at the end that “Orphan” has).
1 and 1/2 piece of could have been good if it left out the blood and gore toast
Irene in Time (PG-13)
Starring: Tanna Frederick, Andrea Marcovicci, Victoria Tennant, Karen Black
Director: Henry Jaglom
Henry Jaglom is noted for making 16 movies populated with people who talk exactly like someone you would overhear in an elevator or restaurant, but the randomness of it all makes it unlikely that you will overhear something really interesting. This episodic composite of quirky scenes which involve how a father influences his daughter even after he is long gone, continues this tradition.
2 and 1/2 pieces of love or hate Jaglom toast toast
Tetro (2009)
Starring: Vincent Gallo, Alden Ehrenreich, Maribel Verdú, Klaus Maria Brandauer
Director: Francis Ford Coppola
The master filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola says he wrote the screenplay for this movie based on his own “operatic” life. What that means bhy that is somewhat ambiguous. Does he mean his conductor father was like the one in the film? Does he mean that the fighting between brother and sister is like that with his own sister, Tallia Shire? Is he the older bother hiding out in Buenos Aires or the younger one who suddenly appears at the front door? Shot in black and white, scenes don’t just appear, they grow in front of you. For those who know and study Coppola’s earlier films, there is a lot to savor. For those under 25, it will be a much harder sell. This is something different, something “old fashioned,” with all the ambiguity that simple phrase can mean.
3 and 1/2 pieces of Coppola Toast
NEW ON DVD
Coraline (PG)
Voices of: Dakota Fanning, Teri Hatcher, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, Keith David
Director: Henry Selick
Tim Burton’s stop-motion animator tries it on his own (and does it in 3-D as well). The story is based on Neal Gaiman’s popular children’s book about a little girl who moves to a new house and finds a parallel universe on the other side of the living room wall. Adults should love this movie, but kids may find it too leisurely compared to video games.
3 and 1/2 piece of “Pink Palace” toast
Watchmen (R)
Starring: Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Matthew Goode, Carla Gugino
Director: Zack Snyder
In this alternative universe. by 1985, presidential term limits have been abolished and costumed vigilantes patrol the streets. Now imagine that a really murderous bad guy should appear (he’s called The Comedian, and he’s like The Joker after eight trips to Starbucks). But when somebody kills The Comedian, super vigilante Dr. Manhattan (Bill Crudup in motion capture suit and animatronic penis) gathers other superheroes into a cohesive group. Calling themselves “The Watchmen” they vow to avenge TheComedian’s death, hunt down the killer, and wreck havoc on any ordinary folk who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
2 and 1/2 pieces of deserves the R-rating superhero toast
The Great Buck Howard (PG)
Starring: John Malkovich, Colin Hanks, Emily Blunt, Griffin Dunne
A has-been magician/mentalist (who is still advertised as being a frequent guest on Johnny Carson’s “Tonight” show), needs an assistant, and it seems the perfect job for naïve law school drop out. Malkovich is perfect here, and Emily Blunt is delectable as his publicist and you’ll chuckle at all the big names who drop in for brief cameos. But it’s moved along with that over-used technique of having the naïve character act as narrator with him having an internal monologue while the camera focuses on his face which is scrunched up like the Scarecrow trying to think deep thoughts (the one from OZ—not Batman).
2 and 1/2 pieces of watch it for Malkovich toast
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