Gil Mansergh’s Cinema Toast

New Releases 9/21/07

Eastern Promises (R)
Viggo Mortensen, Naomi Watts, Armin Mueller-Stahl
Directed by: David Cronenberg
Think “Godfather” with Russians, in Britain instead of the U.S.A. and you’ll have a pretty fair assessment of what’s going on in this tautly crafted thriller. It starts with a teen hooker dying in childbirth and leaving a Russian language diary as the only secret to her identity. A helpful midwife gets the diary translated and ends up involved with the Russian mafia. Mortensen is excellent as a chauffeur/bodyguard who sees an opportunity and takes it. Not for everyone, this is classic Cronenberg with graphic violence, including a nude steam bath battle featuring close ups of all 43 mob tattoos on Mortensen’s sculpted form.
3 and 1/2 pieces of Russian rye toast.

Sydney White (PG-13)
Amanda Bynes, Sara Paxton
Directed by: Joe Nussbaum
Snow White and the Seven Dorks retold on a college campus with a sorority run by an evil witch and a naive princess type who finds safety in a house with seven blackballed nerds.
Not available for preview

Good Luck Chuck (R)
Jessica Alba, Dane Cook, Dan Fogler
Directed by: Mark Helfrich
Classified as a comedy this tasteless, melange of naked breasts, swear words and embarrassing sexual references calls itself a comedy and manages to avoid the NC-17 it deserves. But it’s not funny unless you are a hormone obsessed teen male, high on caffeinated energy drinks, sugar and other mind-altering chemicals.
1/2 piece of scummy toast

The Hunting Party (PG-13)
Richard Gere, Terrence Howard
Directed by: Richard Shepard
Bosnian war correspondent has breakdown, and a decade later a story about a war criminal offers redemption so he convinces his former camera man to join him (and pay the bills) as they track down one elusive lead after another. Sometimes a black comedy, sometimes a psychological exploration, sometimes a gritty drama , the director (who did an excellent job on “Matador“), often seems to lose the way.
2 and 1/2 pieces of they couldn’t decide what it is toast

Resident Evil: Extinction (NR)
Milla Jovovich, Oded Fehr, Ali Larter, Iain Glen, Ashanti
Directed by: Russell Mulcahy
The third (and supposedly final) movie of the popular video shoot-em-up moves to the Nevada desert where the zombification that happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas “it spills out all over the place.
Not available for preview

In the Valley of Elah (R)
Tommy Lee Jones, Charlize Theron, Jason Patric, Susan Sarandon, Jonathan Tucker
Directed by: Paul Haggis
When a soldier returns to his home base after a tour of duty in Iraq, his proud American father comes to see him only to run into a military stonewall. His son has mysteriously disappeared, but when burned body parts turn up on the base, the dad has to rely on a local female police detective for help and sympathy.
3 pieces of excellent acting toast

NEW ON VIDEO/DVD

We Are Marshall (PG)
Matthew McConaughey, Matthew Fox
Directed by: McG
Box Office: $43,532,294
The Marshall varsity football team loses an important game, boards a chartered airplane and never arrives home. The 1970 crash killed the team, coaches and major supporters. This movie tells the inspiring true story of how the community fought back to rebuild itself after the tragedy. A truly inspiring story derailed by every sports movie cliché possible. Too bad
2 pieces of the story deserved better toast

Lucky You (PG-13)
Drew Barrymore, Eric Bana, Robert Duvall
Directed by: Curtis Hanson
Box Office: $5,727,530
Even Robert Duvall as a craggy poker player can’t save this story of a singer (who wouldn’t get past the first audition on American Idol ) who meets up with an inveterate gambler and the two proceed to have zero chemistry on-screen. Take a tip from the title and be “Lucky You” because you didn’t waste your money on this one.
1 piece of aces and eights (dead man’s hand) toast