Gil Mansergh’s Cinema Toast

New Releases 5/30/08

The Strangers (R)
Starring: Liv Tyler, Scott Speedman, Gemma Ward, Kip Weeks, Laura Margolis
Director: Bryan Bertino
Since two Mormon missionaries discover the bloody ending in the opening scenes, there’s no suspense in this film of a yet another home invasion by axe-wielding young people. Liv Tyler should have known better.
1/2 pieces of yukky toast

Sex and the City: The Movie (R)
Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, Kristin Davis, Jennifer Hudson
Director: Michael Patrick King
Imagine going to a family reunion where everyone tells funny stories about growing up and since you married into the family, you don’t know who or what they are talking about. I have only seen snippets of the TV show, so I felt like I needed a score card to sort out who was who and why they were reacting to pieces of information with such frivolity or despair. I imagine fans will like check in to find out what happened to these self-absorbed, characters, but I just saw a sniggering soap opera with dozens of people I didn’t know and with no one willing to introduce us.
2 pieces of niche audience toast

New on Video/DVD

Rambo (R)
Sylvester Stallone, Julie Benz, Matthew Marsden, Graham McTavish, Rey Gallegos, Jake LaBotz, Tim Kang, Ken Howard
Directed by: Sylvester Stallone
Twenty years after the last film in the series, John Rambo has retreated to northern Thailand, where he’s running a longboat on the Salween Rivernear the Thai-Burma (Myanmar) border. The result is so sad and laughable it makes “Hot Shots Part Deux” seem like Shakesepeare.
1 piece of arthritic Rambo toast

The Three Stooges Collection – 1937 – 1939 (NR)
Starring: Moe Howard, Larry Fine, Curly Howard
Director: Various
A dream for those who love the Stooges (and a questionable torture to those who don’t), these early “classics” of the trio’s borscht-belt vaudeville routines were made for Columbia, and have enough eye-pokes, pants kicks, and pies in the face to please the naughty little boy in all of us. The best episodes include “Dizzy Doctors,” “Playing the Ponies,” “Healthy, Wealthy and Dumb,” “We Want Our Mommy,” “Oily to Bed, Oily to Rise” and “Yes, We Have No Bonanza.” Purists will delight that none of these shorts include Shemp, Joe Besser, Curly Joe or Joe Palma.
4 pieces of “nyuk, nyuk, nyuk” toast