Gil Mansergh’s Cinema Toast
New Releases 5/22/09

Dance Flick (PG-13)
Starring: Damon Wayans, Craig Wayans, Shoshanna Bush, Essence Atkins
Director: Damien Dante Wayans
THE PRESS NOTES SAY: “In this hilarious new comedy, a young street dancer from the wrong side of the tracks and a beautiful young woman are brought together by their passion for dancing and put to the test in the mother of all dance battles.”
Unavailable for preview (but “Hilarious” in the studio description is always a bad sign)

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (PG-13)
Starring: Ben Stiller, Amy Adams, Owen Wilson, Hank Azaria
Director: Shawn Levy
The monkey still gets the best lines in this sequel where all involved scoff at the idea that “less is more” and stuff this film with more comedians, more special effects, more pratfalls, “everything except more cleverness, laughter or plot. What’s next? Battle of the Museums: The DeYoung vs The California Academy of Sciences?
2 pieces of mirthless toast

Terminator Salvation (PG-13)
Starring: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Anton Yelchin, Moon Bloodgood
Director: McG
Muddy, Loud, Violent, Confusing, Wooden, Cacophonous, Sloppy, Preposterous, TV-inspired, ” about as successful as the Governator’s ballot measures.
1 and 1/2 pieces of heavy-handed toast

Outrage (PG-13)
Starring: Brney Frank, Larry Kramer, Terry Kushner, David R9thenberg, Kirby Dick
Director: Kirby Dick
The documentary filmmaker who focused on Hollywood’s movie ratings board, tries to make us believe that a group of closeted gay congressmen (and their similarly closeted staff) purposely vote against “gay” legislation to avoid alienating voters and therefore keep their jobs. Problem is, much is still just rumor and innuendo, (except for those who have been publicly “outed”), and the psychological issues are much more complex than simple homophobic denial.
1 and 1/2 piece of lack of depth toast

Rivers of a Lost Coast (R)
Narrated by Tom Skeritt

Director: Justin Coupe, Palmer Taylor

Fly fishing in California’s Lost Coast used to be a tale of beauty, isolation, wading into icy streams battling against twenty pounds of crafty, slippery, fighting, scale-covered muscle, and exaggerating about the one that got away. But today, they have almost all gone away as this secret fishing spot has become a microcosm of the interconnectedness of modern life vs wild rivers.
3 pieces of fishy toast

The Garden (NR)
Starring: Danny Glover, Daryl Hannah
Director: Scott Hamilton Kennedy
The 14-acre community garden in South Central LA has been the pride of neighborhood residents since the Rodney King riots, but now, the legal owner (who has never collected any rent for the land’s use) wants to develop the property and that means sending in bulldozers. Filmmakers don’t even attempt to be even-handed as they portray the owner and City Hall as villains and the primarily Latino farmers as heroes, but this was still nominated for an Oscar. In contrast, local community gardens are on public lands. For example, Santa Rosa’s brand new Roseland Community Garden is in a former private farm-turned public park on West Avenue, and Petaluma Bounty has community gardens in four Petaluma city parks.
3 and 1/2 pieces of propaganda, and 1/2 piece of journalism toast

NEW ON DVD

Valkyrie (PG-13)
Starring: Tom Cruise, Kenneth Branagh, Bill Nighy, Terence Stamp
Director: Bryan Singer
Some really good actors offer support for a gritty-teethed, eye patch-wearing Tom Cruise as his character attempts to assassinate Hitler and bring an end to WWII. But the beginning two thirds of the film don’t work. Instead the film has a great final third with Hitler taking revenge on those who plotted his death. The movie would have been much better if it had started after the failed attempt and built upon the scenes which work.
1 and 1/2 pieces of we’ve seen better things on the History Channel toast

Paul Blart: Mall Cop (PG)
Starring: Kevin James, Jayma Mays, Keir O’Donnell, Bobby Cannavale
Director: Steve Carr
A TV situation comedy star is given the lead in this not very funny tale of a man who apparently hasn’t ever seen “Super Troopers” (or Seth Rogan’s new “Observe and Report“), and doesn’t know that rent-a-cops are the lowest rung on the policeman ladder. It quickly loses all charm when it becomes a badly done heist movie.
1 piece of unfunny toast